


The Story of My (Loveless) Life

by constellationsofsentences



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: !!!warning!!!may contain:, Fluff, M/M, Tears, dude i just wanted to write a soulmate au, french????, homophobes being homophobic, jeremy and Jean being adorable, jeremy's dad dancing, mentions of abuse//violence, soulmate aus:)), stereotypical white girl music, what is basically slavery if you think about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 12:28:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7684546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellationsofsentences/pseuds/constellationsofsentences
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If there's one thing Jean hates more than Riko and the rest of the Ravens, it's his soulmate and their inability to listen to anything but Taylor Swift. Jean thinks his head's going to explode. </p><p>starring Jeremy and his basic white girl music.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this came to be because I wanted to write a soulmate au, and I wanted to write jerejean. So here we are:)

Jean heaves a sigh of relief as he drops the huge pile of Exy gear he’s carrying. One of his teammates turns to him with narrowed eyes- Jean ignores him, because his soulmate has finally stopped listening to his _godawful_ music. _What was the point,_ he thinks, _of living in a world where you can hear whatever your soulmate is listening to, if all they listen to is this shit?_ Jean most certainly does not want to have to hear One Direction in his ears whenever he’s warming up for a match, thank you very much. It distracts him, and that is not tolerated with the Ravens. Whatever excuses Jean comes up with are always ignored, because Jean was _unlovable_ , he’s been told many times, and his Exy skills (or lack thereof) are so appalling it would cause anyone to hate him.

Jean has been told this so many times he is starting to believe it, starting to hate the person behind the constant stream of pop music in his head.

When he was little, before the Ravens, before Kevin and Riko and all of the things that tore his happiness apart, Jean loved the music. He loved the way he’d hear a song in his head and know the words, know the artist, know that somewhere, whether it was across the world or in the house next door, somebody was listening to this music, to Jean’s music, and this person would one day love Jean. 

Now, he resents it, harder than he’s resented anything before, except maybe his parents.

Even though Jean says he hated the music, the songs, he misses the days when he would spend his nights thinking about the fact that his soulmate might me British, because all the songs were in English, or perhaps he was from Australia, or Canada, or even America. He misses signing up for English lessons just so he could speak to his soulmate, one day. He misses the excitement, and the anticipation.

He misses being _Jean_.

There is a subtle cough, behind him, and Jean freezes up. He’s been standing in the locker room, thinking, for well over five minutes. He has only been given three to move the gear. _Oh_ , he thinks, and runs.

Days later, it’s time to play the Trojans. USC plays the fight song, hopeful and excited as always. It isn’t until halfway through that Jean realises that there is no other music clashing with it, no slow love ballad pulsing with the fierce beats of the overenthusiastic USC cymbal player. Perhaps his soulmate had turned the music off, or maybe they were here, watching him. Now that he thinks about it, Jean’s definitely heard this song more times than he’s played USC. His soulmate is probably a fan.

It isn’t until halfway through the second half that the sounds pick up again, this time a solitary male voice, singing “Getting Back Together” in a way that is so off-key Jean thinks his eardrums are going to burst. He can’t help it- he starts to sing along. It’s not until Riko “accidentally” trips up Jeremy Knox that the music stops. Probably, they’re yelling insults at Riko, or maybe, _maybe_ , they’re cheering for Jean, and the impossible pass he has just intercepted. It’s unlikely, because most of the stadium is filled with boos at Riko’s lack of a yellow card, but Jean’s hopeful. 

*

When Jean starts to communicate with Renee, he’s hopeful. He’s been hopeful since Neil showed up at Raven training last Christmas. He knows it’s bad, and he _tries_ to quell the feeling, because surely Neil will forget, move on, cover up his new tattoo and _keep going_. Jean doesn’t have that luxury, but his desire for it is starting to chip through his resolve- get through college, you can do it- and plant seeds of hopeful desires and dreams. To join a new team, to make friends, and to find that person, who is out there, _somewhere_ , who listens to all that awful music that he can’t help but love simply because of the person who’s listening to it. He knows it’s stupid, but Neil and Renee, the former and his willing defiance of Riko, the latter and her kindness, her hospitality, are giving him hope of the kind that he knows is unhealthy, he knows will not help him, because it won’t happen. Except it does, and all of a sudden he’s out, and he can live his life. One Direction’s _Steal My Girl_ is playing in his head as he tips back his head and laughs. For once, the song doesn’t bother him. Jean smiles. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy nearly faints because _hot diggity dog_ this mysterious French kid is too damn beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got around to this chapter because I'm so goddamn lazy and also I'm on holiday. Sorry??

"Fuck!" Jean exclaims, loudly, as he trips over somebody's handbag, distracted by the incessant noise of Miley Cyrus' _Party in the USA_ ringing in his head. An elderly couple turn and give him a glare, and Jean returns it, really not in the mood for manners. He picks himself up, and continues on his way, wondering if perhaps he can send a telepathic message to his soulmate. _Shut up, person who I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with!_ That would probably be well received.  
There is a car parked on the street opposite him, a battered, blue truck with half the paint scratched of, and three people are leaning against it. One seems to spot Jean and waves him over, and Jean supposes that these must be his new teammates. When he gets closer, he recognises Laila Dermott, who is grinning and waving at him enthusiastically. The music is still pounding in Jean's head and he approaches them cautiously, if only out of habit. The second person joins in the waving when Laila elbows her, but the third does nothing but nod his head, like he's listening to a song. His arms are crossed and it looks like he's trying to look threatening, but his face splits into a wide grin when Alvarez turns and says something to him. Jean feels his stomach flip, and he can't tell if it's the nerves to meet these people, or the excitement to be free of Riko, or the fact that standing in front of him is Jeremy Knox, exy star, and they are going to be on the _same team._ Jean is finally free of the Ravens, and he doesn't care if the coach is as bad as Tetsuji, because he is no longer just Raven #3, no longer property, because Riko is _dead_ and Jean can basically do whatever the hell he wants because he has no owner, and his life is no longer Riko's.

*

_Holy shit_ , is all Jeremy can think as he stares at the person in front of him. Jean ~~I'm Sexy as Hell~~ Moreau is standing in front of him, looking bored, and Jeremy can't stop the ridiculous grin from spreading across his face. Laila smacks his arm and gestures to his earplugs, and Jeremy mouths an apology before pulling them out of his ears.  
"Finally," Jean mutters, rubbing his ear, and Jeremy shoots him a confused look. Jean seems to notice this because he mutters, "Soulmate," as an explanation, before frowning slightly at Jeremy. Jeremy still hadn't met his soulmate- or if he had, hadn't realised it. His soulmate didn't appear to listen to anything but the Raven fight song, and occasionally other Exy teams' fight songs. Not very helpful in terms of locating them- until an accidentally overheard conversation at PSU narrowed it down.  
Jeremy had been waiting outside the court, waiting on a certain Kevin Day to arrive (what? Jeremy had been in town) when none other than the Queen himself arrived with a certain Nicky Hemmick, having a rather loud conversation.  
"Dammit, Hemmick. No, Ravens are not allowed to listen to music. No distractions, remember?" "But, Kevin, what about-" "Not even Beyoncé, Hemmick." Nicky had wrinkled his nose at that, whilst Jeremy's mind began racing a mile a minute. Perhaps that was why his soulmate never listened to music- they were a Raven!  
When he told Alvarez, she had taken one look at him, and burst out laughing. After a while of Jeremy looking dejected and Alvarez laughing her ass off, she had grinned at Jeremy, before her smile faltered at his awkward face.  
"You're not serious," she had said, tone suddenly turning somber. "Good luck getting them outta that shithole."  
Now, Jeremy looks at Jean. "What was your soulmate listening to?" he asks, trying very hard to seem nonchalant.  
"Something about parties and the USA?" Jean responds. Jeremy had to fight to keep his face straight, and he puts his hand behind his back and points three fingers, the Trojans' symbol for help (it was Laila's idea, for social crises only). Alvarez notices immediately and jumps forward to help Jean with his bag, and Laila leads Jeremy round the side of the building.  
"The hell?"  
"Jean, he's- he's my _soulmate_."  
"What?" she asks, her brow furrowed. "Oh. Oh, shit! Are you sure?"  
"Um, pretty sure?"  
"Well, we'll check to make sure. Just, are you going to talk to him?"  
"Are you insane?" Jeremy leans his head against the car window. "He's probably super touchy or scared of relationships. He's a _Raven,_ they get, like, brainwashed into thinking that!"  
"Jeremy!" The urgency in Laila's tone makes Jeremy's thought stop racing, swirling. "Calm the fuck down! Just get in the damn car!"  
Jeremy's thoughts are still reeling when Jean climbs in next to him. He has a confused look on his face, and it makes Jeremy's heart pang. While he twists to get his seatbelt, their arms brush, and Jeremy feels a quick needle of electricity run up his arm, and shivers. Jean pulls his arm back immediately, and they lock eyes momentarily, before Jean looks away, eyes conflicted. The ride back is quiet, awkward, and Jeremy hates himself for every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, I was going to pull out the soulmate hunt for much longer, but neither Jean nor Jeremy are quite that stupid, so??


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean has a little bit of a freak out because he's kind of scared and also a bit starstruck because Jeremy is too cool (and beautifully dashing).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really happens in this chapter, so? It's also really short sorry oops. Also I tried to show off my really basic French skills and died so there are some foreign words in here but idk just google them. Also, _mon chou_ means literally cabbage but apparently it's a French pet name and I'm dying, but if I used it wrong sorry?

As soon as Jeremy leaves Jean to “get settled”, Jean begins to freak out. What is he supposed to do now? In a panic, he calls Renee. She picks up on the last ring, and over the phone Jean can hear some shouting and loud music, though he tries to tune it out. Maybe Jeremy was hearing this, too.   
“Hello, Jean,” she says when she picks up. “Is everything ok?”  
“No. No, nothing is ok! I just found my fucking soulmate!” Jean can feel his voice rising as he paces back and forth in his new dorm. Renee stops to have a conversation with somebody else, and then says, “Calm down. This is a good thing.”  
“It is not!”  
“Well, who is it?”  
“Jeremy Knox! I am _so_ screwed.”  
There is a crash, and a muffled shout of “Jeremy?” and perhaps Renee has him on speakerphone, but right now Jean has other problems.   
“Are you sure it's him?” comes a voice, and Jean thinks that might be Kevin, and he replies with an anguished, “Well _he_ certainly seems to think so!”  
“Have you talked to him?”  
“God, no. He was yelling about it to some Trojans.”  
“In front of you?” exclaims a voice.  
“No! On the other side of the car.”  
“Oh,” Renee says. “You should probably talk to him.”  
Jean hangs up.  
He is most certainly not going to talk to Jeremy- he barely knows the guy, first, and secondly, how would he phrase it? Would he just say “Hey, you’re my soulmate,” or “wow, you’re so cool and hot, I’m glad you’re my soulmate,” or just start screaming with joy and terror and exhilaration? Jean is expecting the last one, honestly, and he doesn’t want to lose his shit on his first day with the Trojans. Something about embarrassing himself in front of Jeremy makes Jean want to hide in the corner, curl away inside a cupboard or in a bathroom and never emerge again, except, perhaps, to play.   
_All these fantasy tales of meeting your soulmate on a beach in the Caribbean_ , Jean thinks, _and I ended up in this shit_. Not that Jean doesn’t think Jeremy would be an awesome soulmate, relatively friendly, chill (and, okay, completely gorgeous) but he’s pretty fucking terrified, honestly. To be expected to live with this guy for the rest of his life- Christ, what happens if Jeremy turns out to be the kind of guy who never showers and gets mould on his toes (there was one guy at his school the year before he went to the Ravens, it was awful)! Maybe Jean would never tell Jeremy, and just wait for him to spring it on him, and then act surprised, or something. Or he could hope that he was never found out. Besides, soulmates don’t have to be platonic, and at least Jean didn’t end up with some shit like Celeste from _cinquième_ as his soulmate, because she was fucking scary.  
And, even though Jean doesn’t acknowledge it, and perhaps he doesn’t even notice, some tiny part of him feels all the warmer, knowing that he really does have a soulmate, somebody he can trust completely.  
His thoughts are cut off by somebody barging into the room. It’s Jeremy, and Jean sighs, and turns to him.  
“Look,” Jeremy says, “about … I think …” Jean is a bit shocked at the vagueness of what Jeremy is saying, and it takes him a moment to realise that Jeremy is staring at him. Jean stares back, and feels his breath catch as he fixes his gaze on Jeremy. After a few moments of eye contact, Jean starts to get uncomfortable and moves his eyes to look at the point between Jeremy’s eyebrows. It was a trick his maman had taught him, one Autumn before he had to give a speech in front of his English class.  
 _“Mon chou, if you ever are in a situation where you have to appear impressive, make eye contact with people, but if you are too scared, just look at their foreheads,” she had said, voice raspy and soft._  
“But why?” he had asked, gazing at her like she knew everything in the world, like he knew that if he want the stars she would pull them out of the sky and make him a necklace out of them. A mistake, but a common one amongst children.  
Her laugh was effortless, then, and rang in Jean’s ears for hours afterwards. “Ah,” she smiled, and the warmth crept into Jean’s heart and made him pull a toothy grin, tongue poking out of a recently lost tooth, “but you can tell a lot about a person from their forehead.”  
“Like what, Maman?”  
“Like … whether they are angry a lot, and whether they do a large amount of frowning, or giggling. Or if they can do this-” she wiggled her eyebrows, and tickled him, and childish laughter filled the room. When it had died down, he smiled sleepily up at her, and said, “I love you, Maman. Thank you for helping me-” and his droopy eyes close as he is laid on his bed, and a crooning voice wafts through the air, singing a gentle lullaby.  
Jean shakes himself out of his reverie, and studies Jeremy’s face. Smile lines, like the ones he asked Amèlie about, litter his face, not a frown line in sight. His eyes, usually bright and joyous, are clouded and glassy, and he seems very distractible. It dawns on Jean that he probably came to talk about the whole soulmates thing, so he takes one last look at those beautiful eyes, and bolts out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contact me on [tumblr]()


	4. Chapter 4

This beach is so similar to the one a few blocks away from where he used to live. He won’t call it home—it stopped being home the day he was sold to Tetsuji, or perhaps even before then. Nevertheless, as Jean stares at the horizon, toes submerged, he is suddenly home, and Amèlie—the round-faced cleaner, with eyes that danced whenever she mentioned her two sons—is singing absentmindedly and his parents are in the next room talking in hushed voices. Jean does not miss them, no. His parents sent him away to save their on skin; all Jean can feel is a dull, pounding hatred, maybe some grief for the child he was. He misses the warmth, the jabbering French, the comfort of watching American movies he could barely understand and clinging on to every word.  _My soulmate speaks that language,_  he would think, grinning as the woman on the screen rain out into the arms of her lover, _and I do too, a little._  He would blow up like a pufferfish with every word he understood, always ask questions in class. He remembers, once, his teacher pulled him aside and asked him about his love of English. “My soulmate is always listening to music in English,” Jean had said, solemnly, as a ten-year-old does when he believes he is doing a noble deed. “I am going to speak it to them, one day.” His teacher had laughed a little, then. “I am sure she is very pretty,” he said, in English, and Jean frowned a little, though he wasn’t sure why. Meeting his soulmate now, Jean can’t deny that Jeremy is definitely very pretty. He shakes his head, fumbles for a cigarette. A song floats through Jean’s head— _what garbage is he listening to now?_ —it’s opera, and Jean is startled by the complete change in genre. The words are in Italian, but the meaning is obvious: _My heart is breaking. I’m sorry._  

— 

 After starting Alvarez’s playlist, titled “for Lamentable Times,” and immediately turning it off after some opera shoves it’s way into his ears, Jeremy blares _California Gurls_ at full volume. He sits on his bed, earplugs shoved in his ears carelessly, staring at some paper. He’s supposed to be writing an essay of some kind, but Jeremy’s not focusing on that. He’s concentrating on the words of the song, and it’s so loud he barely hears the knock. He does, though, and it’s Jean. “Take those out,” he says. “You’re going to bust your ear drums … and mine.” Jeremy just stares at him. The tips of his battered shoes are sandy, as though his been on the beach, and his cheeks pinked from the wind.  “Look,” Jean begins. “I just want to establish that—that I’m a mess. I’m falling to pieces and no glue is strong enough to put me back together—at least not completely. But I want to—Tell me to fuck off; to go away. I’ll go, happily, but—” he breaks off, and their eyes meet. Jeremy gets up. “You need a hug,” Jeremy says. “Can I give you a hug?” Jean closes his eyes. “Sure.” And so Jeremy does. He will be Jean’s extra leg, he will hold him steady and help him get back on the tightrope of life. “The nest screwed me up quite bad,” Jean says. “But—I’m not—” “Thank you,” Jeremy cuts in, and Jeans reply is muffled into Jeremy’s shoulder. Music starts playing in Jeremy’s head, and it takes him a while to realise that it’s Jean, humming the tune to  _Getting Back Together_. “See?” Jeremy grins. “We’re more alike than we thought.” Jean glares at him.  

— 

They don’t have their first kiss until six months later. They’re at practice, and they’re earlier than everybody else, and it just _happens_. It’s amazing—everything Jean has ever wanted boiled down into this (beautiful) person. So when, another three months down the line, Jeremy tells Jean he loves him, Jean doesn’t hesitate to say it back. Jean is still broken, and even Jeremy cannot stick all off him back together, but cracks can fade, with time. He loves Jeremy. He does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so!!!! this is the last part!!  
> ahhh sorry that the kissing was just shoved in there but Jean wasn't /ready/ until then so,,,?


End file.
